Some day I’ll be comfortable being the “unless something better comes along” person. Today is not that day. If that’s how you see me there’s not much I can do, but I’d like to say to you specifically, either lie to me about plans you might already have or be honest with me about what you’d rather be doing. I’m a reasonable person, when you talk to me. But when you don’t, I make up my own narratives. And as a fiction writer I’m really fucking good at it.
Some day I’ll be comfortable being that person who follows up after one text or message but today is not that day. In fact I’m not sure that some day will actually come. I’d rather die alone than live my life knowing I bullied you into something. I’m not going to chase you down and force you to respond to me in whatever capacity I’ve come to you in.
The thing is, I’m perfectly happy in the comfort and safety of my own home. So if and when I reach out, I really want to be doing that thing I asked you to do.
Some day I’ll learn not to let these things fester in my brain, but today is not that day. I needed to get this out in they only way I know how: a passive aggressive blog entry where I give no indication of who I’m talking about or what it is that set me off.