Month: January 2014

Day 16 – This Affects You How? (Sometimes I Go Against My Own Policy)

This morning I woke up to the weekly download of Smodcast. That is Kevin Smith’s podcast where he sits down with his producing parter Scott Mosier and they talk about interesting (to them) news stories and sometimes about growing up in New Jersey and how their early lives lead up to them filming Clerks. Every time I try to listen to an episode I threaten to stop. It is honestly just a two hour stoner fest where I listen to one of my favorite writers laugh at shit that isn’t funny, because he is so high he can no longer tell the difference. This morning I finally did what I kept threatening to do. I stopped the episode I was listening to about 10 minutes into it and deleted the entire podcast from my iTunes (essentially I unsubscribed to it by deleting it from the queue).

Now, I understand. Not everything Kevin Smith does is going to hit with me. In fact there are many of his projects I ignore altogether. But he is an interesting storyteller on most days. If you have ever seen his An Evening With shows you will understand he is a genius at creating a scene, whether it be his encounter with Prince or his experience writing a Superman film in which the producer insisted the man of steel fight a giant spider. Or his feud with Tim Burton.

Kevin Smith is one of the more productive stoners you’ll ever hear of. He records a podcast every day, he helps run two shows (Comic Book Men and Spoilers) and he helped write/produce an animated film with his other partner in crime, Jason Mewes (Jay, if any of you know the duo of Jay and Silent Bob). He has also written three full-length feature films, two of which came out of the Smodcast podcast. So I do get that they are useful to him, and that’s great. But I need to understand how we have become a society of people who need to deaden themselves to function. See, Kevin Smith readily admits that he smokes pot to get through life, because life is hard. 

Sometimes I want to send a letter to Smith and tell him to fuck off. I do not know what real shit Kevin Smith has to deal with on a daily basis I will admit that. I know what he talks about. Being fat. Being thrown off a plane for being fat. Being the brunt of a lot of jokes for being fat, and for his movies not being everyone’s cup of tea. Get the fuck over yourself. Go on a diet. Stop reading comments or reviews. And maybe sit down with someone who has real problems and find out how they get through life without being numbed by drugs. 

(I try to avoid long winded whines about people who’s lives have no impact on my own, I just had a moment of frustrated word vomiting, it won’t happen often, but I can’t promise it won’t happen again).

Day 15 – Sleep Deprivation Makes Me Cranky

If we are to take the lead from folks like Donald Trump, who proclaim the validity of things based on factors like weather in their area, I am going to go ahead and go out on a limb to say that global warming is indeed very real. It was 85 degrees in Southern California today, mid-January, and is currently 109 degrees in Australia where they are attempting to play tennis (all matches are currently suspended due to the heat). Yes, I am aware it is summer on that side of the world, but it is very much supposed to be winter here in the west. And it very much isn’t.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

The next time you torrent, download or stream a movie, television show, or porn, remember that despite the way these things are reported, all that money it seems like the studios and actors are making does not get seen by any of the smaller, lower rung people who make those productions what they are. And they are the first to go when a production runs out of money due to your unwillingness to pay a few dollars or leave your house. 

Day 13 – Insert Title Here

It is extremely difficult to focus when you are exhausted. Which is what I am at the moment. I can’t tell if it is because I got little sleep last night or because it is an unnatural 80 degrees here today. Tried reading, nope. Writing, not so much. Even watching television has been difficult. The only thing I accomplished today was beating Plants vs. Zombies 2, and I only managed that because I was already on the final level of the last world. But hey, I beat PVZ2 people! Go me. (That would be relevant if the game hadn’t come out almost a year ago).

So, with that being said, here are a bunch of random things that have nothing to do with each other. (Cause, that’s different from the other entries, oh wait…) 

DirecTV is not listing the Sherlock US premiere on Sunday and therefore I am not able to set the DVR and that is making me a little panicky.

I am in serious need of feeling the prick of a tattoo needle and hearing the buzz of the machine as an artist permanently marks my skin with more things that perfectly sum up my life.

Last night’s Golden Globes would have entertained me more if I had seen any of the things nominated in both the TV and movie categories and if we did not have to watch the winners wade through the crowd and if the speeches weren’t so painfully awkward.

One time, when I was about 14, I stayed up for 24 hours. Falling asleep off schedule meant I woke up off schedule. Looking at the clock I noticed it was 7:00 and I had to be at school at 8:00. No one was home and I had a panic attack that I was not going to make it. As I calmed down I found that it was 7:00 at night, that same day, not 7:00 in the morning the next day. To this day I cannot relax enough to take naps. There is no reason for this. I have nowhere to be on any given morning anymore. But I will lie down and wonder what else I should be doing and if I am going to wake up freaked out. Which means I am not relaxing. So I just don’t even try anymore.

It is extremely difficult to focus when you are exhausted. (I think I already said that…)

Day 12 – A Lot of Words on Why I Don’t Like Reading and Writing a Lot of Words

I read young adult fiction, almost exclusively. I write young adult fiction, occasionally. I write gay erotica, slightly more often. And I write adult fiction when I have to. 

We have become a society of people with short attention spans. The Internet, social media and news tickers feeding constant streams of information into our brains are most-likely the culprit. Because of this, we do not have the same patience, or feeling of time available, to sit and read long, drawn out books that build worlds so completely we know their laws and politics better than our own. Young adult fiction elevates the pressure of finding time to read a well-written, well-told story.

Young adult fiction might sound off-putting. Young adult is the sneaky way publishers categorize their books about teens these days. So I understand if you have adverse reactions. Being a teen is something you left behind long ago, and you really do not want to relive those days again. Shudder. Welcome to the new and improved Young Adult genre. 

You might think that teen novels are all about finding your one true love or being asked to choose between two true loves or having your true love break your heart. Do not mistake the overhyped Twilight stigma for every young adult book ever written. Even well past the teen years we are still trying to figure out who we really are. You might know who you are as your career marker: banker, doctor, lawyer, barista. But do you know how you fit into this world beyond that? That is what most YA books on shelves these days give us. A look at a person trying to find their footing in a world they do not understand. In the books I read, finding yourself comes in the form of supernatural beings, post-apocalyptic dystopia or on far off planets. The difference between adult stories in these same categories is that the points the books are trying to make are succinct and fed to you in a way that neither insults your intelligence or wastes your time. That is not a knock against any adult books, or your ability to spend the time reading them. 

My writing reflects this same attitude, sometimes even when I am writing for adults. This can be problematic. Especially when I am writing erotica. I try to write for a broad audience even when I know that a broad audience is not going to read what I am writing. So when I am talking about a couple of guys who meet and fall in love, I will describe their meeting, their encounters both sexual and not, and their environment, but I will not describe the people specifically. Most times I do not even tell you their age. I want you to be able to put yourself in the place of those who I am writing about. So who am I to tell you what you think is good-looking, or aged to your tastes? Some find this difficult, they want to know what they guys look like, how they smell, if they’re tall, short, dark, light…but if I said that my main character was blonde haired, blue-eyed, 6’1 and muscular and you like brunettes who have a little pudge on them, I’ve just alienated you in a way I didn’t intend on. So I stay generic, so that you can insert your own fantasy man into that scenario and have it still work, I hope.

The other problem with that is, all my stories come out looking more like short stories or novellas rather than long form novels. That is why my 50,000 word NaNoWriMo challenge is so, challenging. Nobody cares that the sky was blue, the grass was green and the trees were blowing in the wind. What happened there? Demons broke out of hell. How? Wards preventing them from entering our world were destroyed. What else do you need to know? The consequences, the reasons, yes. I got that. Do you really need to know how they smell? (Yeah I get it, the smell, feel, visceral experience makes it more real, but I don’t have time for that! What happened and how is our hero going to stop it?!).

Those are the things that the NaNoWrimo exercises are meant to help me work on. Forcing me to write 1,667 words a day gives me the chance to say more than demons bad, gates broken, world falling apart. But I still do not want to tell you how old my protagonist is, what he looks like, what he smells like. Reading is supposed to be a way of transporting yourself into a story. If you tell me that Joe Smith tastes like vanilla when the main character is kissing him, and I don’t like vanilla, I have just been told he tastes gross. The person kissing him might like vanilla just fine, but I am supposed to be in their shoes and if I don’t like vanilla..and then I am trying to predict what everyone likes and doesn’t like. So I vague it up. That way I am not taking you out of anything and I am not trying to put myself in anything. Right?

Day 11 – If I Had a Mind These Are The Things That Would Be On It

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“People would be loud and irate if they cast Jesus to play the son of God.” – Len Wein, comic book legend, talking about Ben Affleck being cast as Batman.

UH OH

I was hoping that when I had nothing to say I would be able to do some sort of writing exercise, but I don’t seem to be able to do that either.  

THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN TWEETS

That moment when your worlds collide and suddenly you wonder if they were interconnected all along. #ifeelweirdnow

Two salads in one day. Body freak out in 3, 2, 1… #fauxhealthydiet

All my husbands who do not know they are my husbands are playing today. #sportsballtweet

Day 10 – I Am An FBI AGENT!

You know you’ve been on the Internet too long when you say the words in a Tumblr post before you read them. Well, I do it with movies too. I’ll say the next line, or word, before the character does. Sometimes I hope that means I am a good writer. Deep down I know it just means the scene/post is predictable and I am not some sort of savant.

THINGS THAT ARE SURPRISING

Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears have been deemed too sexy to appear on French television (at least in the daytime). Part of Niagara Falls froze over this week. Hollywood is remaking Point Break. And they think it will do well. (I suppose this should be in Things That Are Not Surprising too).

THINGS THAT ARE NOT SURPRISING

Instead of focusing on Chris Christie’s inept politics, late night hosts (and even the Daily Show and Colbert Report) are focusing on how overweight the man is. ‘Cause that has everything to do with why he is inept at politics. Stay classy America.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

Prostitution, gay marriage and health care are all legal in Canada. What heathens.

THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN TWEETS

No amount of seasoned ground turkey will make your food any healthier. #nicetrythoDelTaco

GETTING REAL

The other night on Family Feud one of the final survey questions asked 100 women how long they would give a relationship before they knew he was the one. The first contestant said 6 months. I said that was way too long. The second contestant answered 1 week. I was almost on board with that. My viewing companion said 1 year. I guffawed. The #1 answer was 1 year. Obviously I know nothing about relationships. I would not stay in a relationship more than, three weeks, maybe a month? if I had not figured out he was the one. I mean, I am not saying I would jump into marriage a month into a relationship, and I am not saying it does not take time to figure out if your partner is right for you. But I don’t have the energy or the patience to wait for your ass to prove to me you’re good for me. Is that wrong?

Speaking on relationships, I have a terrible habit of assuming friendships are over (or are in jeopardy of being so) if I haven’t heard from a person in a while. And by a while I mean more than two weeks or sometimes a month depending on the person. I am not unreasonable (with friends). Most of the time that’s not the case. People get busy and lose track and all that stuff, I get it. I am bad about keeping in touch myself. I think this stems from out of the blue endings I never saw coming. So my one resolution is to not assume things are about to hit the fan just because a person got busy with life. (In other words, it isn’t all about you, Phay).

Day 9 – If You Believe That I Am Sorry, I Have a Bridge in New Jersey to Sell You

Today I put the Torchwood marathon on hold and started to catch up on Banshee. See, what happens with my viewing is that I record everything on my DVR, forget or just don’t watch it, erase it figuring I’ll watch it someday, then try to watch everything I need to watch the night before the next season begins. And, repeat that process.

THINGS THAT ARE NOT SURPRISING 

Madonna posted a picture of her 13-year-old son with a bottle of booze. Dennis Rodman thinks Kim Jong Un is his BFF and North Korea isn’t such a bad place. Hey wait, didn’t they date? (Side Note: I just verified Kim Jong Un’s proper spelling on ESPN.com so that I didn’t have to Google him)

THINGS THAT ARE SURPRISING

People keep fucking up and then apologizing after the fact. And no one is learning from each other’s mistakes. All they’re doing is fucking up and apologizing, hoping for the same results (which inevitably is our forgiveness, or forgetfulness). Also, the only thing they’re sorry about is getting caught, but they’ve still not learned from others before them, that in this world of constant streams of information and social media, shit will get out. On a lighter note, I have kale and Brussels sprouts in my fridge and I intend on eating them. Together. On purpose.

PHENOMENON OR COINCIDENCE 

There is this thing that happens every couple of days, where I feel like there is about to be an earthquake. I actually feel the earth moving around me although it is not happening at that moment. Nearly every time I get this feeling I see a news report that there was an earthquake somewhere, usually a place not known for being prone to movement. At the time of this writing I had a strong sensation and have just discovered there was an earthquake in Florida. Might be a coincidence, or I could be the next Nostradamus, or, a cat.

Day 8 – T.A.R.D.I.S. B.N.I.S. (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, But Not In Snow)

My Doctor Who themed toothbrush holder, lotion dispenser and shower curtain order has been delayed by adverse weather. Apparently the TARDIS does not travel well in snow. 

Welcome to 2006, Phay! Finally watching Torchwood after binge watching Doctor Who (new Who). Might have been a good idea to watch them together, some of the timelines cross over, but I am having fun with Captain Jack and the TW team.

THINGS I MIGHT HAVE TWEETED IF I HAD MORE THAN 46 FOLLOWERS

(Thanks to those who follow me tho!)

 It might be time to rethink Twitter when #thingsthatoffendliberals is trending.

Guys, there’s a possible Velveeta shortage. Whatever will we do?! #fakecheese

Um, there’s a Tupac Shakur musical premiering on Broadway. #gangsta.

I’m sorry, we only recognize a marriage between a man and a woman, and a woman, and a woman, and her daughters, and their daughters. Sincerely, Utah. #polygamyftw

TODAY IN RIDICULOUS CELEBRITY REPORTING

Some famous people got haircuts! OMG!

WHINE OF THE DAY

Calling any customer service helpline is annoying, but government run agencies are the worst kind of not-awesome. No, Sallie Mae, I am not OK with paying a $14.95 phone payment fee because you have locked me out of my online account, thus making it impossible for me to both pay the loan in time AND pay it online where it does not cost money to do so. (They waved the fee “this one time as a courtesy”)

AWESOMENESS OF THE DAY

Tried a recipe I found on Pinterest and everyone enjoyed it immensely. Win.

Daily Blogging – Day 7 – Flu-like symptoms make my ADHD entries worse…

What I thought was a simple (I use that word lightly) migraine turned out to be the flu. The 12 hours of sleep I hoped to get ended up only being 6, with bits of chanting myself back into oblivion.

Hockey is the cure all to everything. Or maybe that’s bacon. I might need to do more research on this.

The thing about waking up butt early is that the day seems to be about over, but when you look at the clock it is still morning.

So what they’re saying is, we would rather you be proudly from a broken marriage than be happily married to someone of the same sex. I thought the Catholic church looked down on divorce? Way to be progressive! Here’s what I’m on about. Teacher told he could keep his job if…

Daily Blogging – Day 6 – Short blog is Short

Dear Utah: I am so glad gay marriage is no longer impeding your ability to marry your 11-year-old daughters. Congratulations on your continued bigotry.

Spent the day nursing a migraine, which mostly consisted of watching a Vanilla Ice Project marathon. This helped keep me distracted but did not cure the migraine. So now I climb into bed and hope 12 hours of sleep will be the remedy.